It's Not All Right
[Original: By: Alison Cheng (the leftie) & Olga Koppel (the one who is “right”)]
Olga: “Take responsibility for yourself” is the mantra constantly thrown at you by your parents, teachers and coaches. New (old) research (recycled) by Bell students suggests you may now have an excuse not to! If you're left-handed, you are thinking with the right hemisphere of your brain. This would mean you are simply incapable of having the level of competence in subjects such as math and science that most right-handed people do.
Alison: Hold on! I demand you cease spewing out such gibberish. It may be scientifically proven that a righthanded person has an easier time with rational thinking, but being left-handed, you are also more apt to learning languages and having an abstract, creative mind. As Malcolm Gladwell suggests, practicing music has a myriad of benefits, which happen to include helping you develop your math skills. Music (something I'M better at, surprise, surprise) helps you perform better in other subjects, such as math or science. A study showed that six year old students who took piano and voice lessons averaged an increase of a 7 point gain in their IQ scores. So it pays to be good at music (in which I am exceptionally gifted, if I haven’t mentioned already…) As Einstein, possibly the most famous left-handed person ever, said, “Imagination is more important than knowledge.” Or do you consider yourself superior to Einstein as well?
Olga: If he were right handed, Einstein could have easily said, 'intelligence is the formula of life,' for example, or something equally insightful. Without knowledge, imagination is limited to the things you know. Everyone is an inventive child at one point. Some of us are able to expand on these primitive feelings and thoughts. Others are left-handed. What has ever been created without proper knowledge, with just “creativity” ?
Alison: Now you think you're more insightful than Einstein.
Olga:
Wa-
Alison: Music, artwork, fashion… they are all products of creativity. Honestly now, Olga! Are you seriously arguing that you, of all people, might have more prominent brain cells than the most genius man of all time? You seem a tad bit conceited today…Also, do you realize, with all those brain cells of yours, that more left-handed people have relative/perfect pitch than any right-handed people? Perfect pitch means that one can hear any note on an instrument and distinguish the letter name. This gift is seldom, only found in 1 in every 10,000 Americans.
Olga: How about you, Alison, one of those 'rare' lefties? I saw that essay you were working on at lunch just before it was due next period! It was all smudged due to the fact that you were covering everything you were writing with your hand after you wrote it. The side of your hand is smudged hopelessly with ink all the time, and you are continuously knocking things and people over. Lefties are just a mess, rather than a diamond in the rough!
Alison: It’s not actually because I’m clumsy. It’s just that many objects, from scissors to tools, are designed for the use of the right hand, so when lefties use them, they appear more clumsy. We deserve sympathy! Not only for that, but we happen to be a dying breed. Only 10% of all adults are lefthanded, but we are the 10% that stands out from the crowd.
Olga: You are a dying breed – right-handed people live an average of 9 years longer. What can I say, right-handed people exercise their brains more often and can use them for longer.
Alison: We don't need long life spans. Many prodigious accomplishments have been made by young left-handed people. Eight of the presidents of the United States have been left handed, including Obama. Admit it. You have to be prodigiously gifted to become president. Joan of Arc, the French heroine was supposedly lefthanded. Leonardo Da Vinci, who is considered by many the greatest artist, was a leftie due to the fact that his right hand was paralyzed.
Olga: Da Vinci was a genius because he was forced to master use of both hands and develop both sides of his brain. Can't we agree that two hands are better than one?
Alison: Most lefties show signs of ambidexterity regardless of whether they used their other hand as children. What do the righties do? They are stuck being right for their whole lives. What an uttermost waste of half a brain!
Olga: Halt that train of thought there, Alison! Does being left or right really make that much of a difference? It’s not as if you can see right away if a person’s left-handed or right handed! The left and right theories are just guidelines to your life, just like those horoscopes or zodiac signs?
Alison: Uh… wait! You’re right. For a right-handed person, you seem to be expressing a high level of intelligence at the moment.
Olga: Wow, high praise. As much as I love to hear your voice, I have to get back to my flute playing.
Alison: You play flute? As in, the exquisite musical instrument? Would you look at that, after all that hot air you let out of your maw, you turn out to be a leftie wanna-be.