A New Lease.
Getting outta bed in the morning has always been a test for me.
I’m a rationalizing person, have been for some time. I know that as soon as my feet touch the ground, I have to start my day, and follow through for the next 16 hours. If, however, I lie exactly still and remain under the covers, my day doesn’t have to start just yet.
I’m eighteen. I have a spare first period. The 667 doesn’t come for another thirty minutes, and I can be ready in only five. I have every reason to stay in bed. But I don’t.
It’s probably for the same reason that I rarely miss a 7:15 AM Rugby practice, that I’ve never skipped a class. But I really dislike the idea that it’s simply who I am - that it’s in one’s genes to either play by the rules or break them cold.
Last June, I got a chance to change my outlook on life. Things are now better than ever, because I’m firmly in control.
If you are the kind of person who secretly subscribes to the idea of fate, you’re likely more perceptive than you would prefer to let on. Fate is like water; a current that can guide you, but only if you succumb to it. This being said, it can lead you in positive directions, but will never quite be able to get you where you like to go.
This is because the way each and every one of us learns has to do not with what we watch on TV, or who we keep as friends, but with how much experience we have garnered. Kids have this sort of blissful ignorance, teens make dumb hormone-driven decisions, and adults are just trying to help the world keep on turning the best they can. Our fates are governed not by the decisions we would like to make, but the decisions we are expected to make, and so happily run headfirst into.
If you’re lost, the gist is that in the majority of decisions we make, none of us know exactly what we want. Sure we have an idea, but if we knew EXACTLY what we wanted, all romantically inclined girls would be dating their own customized versions of Prince Charming, classes would all have full attendance (because no one would ever regret choosing it) and no male high school student would ever be arrested for public intoxication on Prom Night. All jokes would be funny, all amusing ideas would play out right in real life. But they don’t.
The truth? Easy. We go with the flow. We find a certain degree of the exact same clichéd behaviour that’s been expected of us for eons, and we run with it. Stereotypes are only fulfilled, and most popular are the hybrids amongst them: “I-call-myself-a-genius-but-I-don’t-try-because-I-can-rationalize-my-way-to-success”, “I’m-an-activist-and-don’t-care-about-expectations-because-for-some-reason-I’m-still-conflicted-with-THE-MAN”. It’s fun, it’s familiar, and we all have a whole bunch of awesome memories to garner from them. There is no doubt that living life this way – the way you are expected to live – is the best way to live it, right?
I used to believe this. Right up until a day in July, when the shock of three simultaneous earthquakes in my life hit me. The whole ordeal wasn’t fun, and the details of the circumstances that I had to contend with aren’t necessary beyond three words: I had failed. I had never failed at anything before in my life, but there it was.
Any person who has ever lived through such a scenario will understand the calm that follows, and a chance for genuine reflection. That day, I learned perhaps the most important lesson that I could pass on to others: in the game of life, you are only every so often given a chance to play by your own rules, to not fall in a semi-comfortable rut of routine. This was mine.
GRAB THESE CHANCES. Do NOT let go.
Look. There are a plethora of rules that we must obey, which we must live by. Luckily, we all brush or teeth regularly, pay taxes at the store, study (to a magnitude of personal preference) for exams, and wish our friends a happy birthday. Go us.
But while no rules have ever been made so as to be broken without consequence, there is so much present in our lives that makes no personal impact, and so much present outside our lives that we so desperately (and usually secretly) dream we could attain. There is enough of the former, no one would ever like to admit, we can almost always stand to live without. There is enough of the latter, no one would EVER like to admit, that if we tried, we could get what we wanted most.
This past summer, I took some time to think about what I really needed, and what I wanted to achieve by one year’s time. Given a fresh start, I knew I had to fix things, and cut out whatever necrosis was still left. Well, it’s been one year, and while the rules you might live by are custom to yourselves, there are a few key ideas that have worked for me.
Never stop moving. Routine is fun. But when routine is gone, try something completely different.
One of the earthquakes had to do with a confirmed foregoing of a football team for the 2008 season, which would only ever seem ridiculous to someone who has never been a Bruin. Much less, of course, to someone who has devoted three seasons to it. Its absence, however, allowed me to pursue something on the complete opposite side of the spectrum. The Cappies (Critics and Awards Program) program in Ottawa, reviewing theatre productions set out by schools across Ottawa. Some friends of mine told me to go out and give it a try (as a regional critic) back in Grade 9, but I demurred. I’m not an English kid by any means, but it always seemed like an interesting idea.
So I decided to go for it. In September, I was all set, until Bell announced that we were all going to join Cappies as a school, and therefore had spots for 6 critics. Whoo.
It’s been an interesting experience, mainly whilst chatting during the intermission / discussion periods after the shows. After the initial “You’re taking Biology rather than Writer’s Craft? Whatever compelled you to come here?” moments, I learned the art of debating English Geeks for fun, profit and GREAT SUCCESS. Made some friends, fought for some nominations, and I got ‘Attaboys’ without ever having to tackle someone.
I even learned to appreciate writing reviews until 3 AM, and feeling the relief a week later when I saw it got published.
Do it about five times, and the writing actually seems to flow better. (Even though I’ve not yet been told that it showed in my ‘Spectrophotometric Concentration of Iron Lab.’)
Never end the action. Don’t settle for merely thinking about things. Seek out and do the things you want to do, and don’t look back.
I used to fall right back into the same traps time over time, wherein something would sound like a good idea, but I would never follow through with it because, as luck would have it, life would get in the way. Spontaneity is FUN. You should try it sometime.
I’m not an anime fan, but I loved V for Vendetta. When I heard they were making a movie out of a sister graphic novel, I jumped to go and read Watchmen. Although I had never read a graphic novel in my life, it’s perhaps the most worthy read you will ever analyze over and over again. So I followed it up with Batman: The Dark Knight Returns, Batman: Year One, and V for Vendetta. All of them works of art, and all of them so often underrated.
As time went on, I learned that the only thing that will ever limit a given person is a reluctance to pursue the options at hand. I started small, painting a GT-R, biking down to Black’s Rapids and getting hooked on Top Gear. I worked my way forwards, taking my girlfriend to Montreal with a day’s notice, eating a full lobster head because no one else thought I could. (Crunchy.) LaRonde’s Goliath, Beach Volleyball, Kitesurfing: all things I’ve wanted to try... and things I have now DONE. I now have connections with one of the largest entertainment promoters in Ottawa, and got behind the scenes at Capital Fashion Week. This summer, I’m going to bike to Quyon and back with some friends, in a daytrip I’ve been meaning to do since Grade 7.
Know your limits. Know how useless they’ll become when you surpass them. Surpass them. Laugh. Repeat.
Finally, Never give in. If your current life is taking more out of you than you are getting from it, a change is absolutely necessary. It’s up to you to find out just how much you’re willing to lose or hoping to gain.
For the longest time, I was unhappy with how certain aspects of my life were going. I know now that despite the greatest efforts one can make, there are some circumstances in life where one’s guiding morals mean squat. In these times, things cannot be changed, and nothing will never feel quite right.
Why should you seek to transform, to deal with, to slowly becoming increasingly more cynical as time goes by, when it is so very much easier to just get what you want directly? We are all capable of change, but to truly evolve you must learn.
You can never learn by holding on to a false hope.
It’s unfortunate to have to make the cuts you know are necessary, but sheer inertia cannot be the only thing carrying things along. Your life should be rewarding, should be measured in laughs and cheers and memories you will never forget, especially those that no one will ever try and make you take back. If your life has a notable absence of these events, letting go of what must be left behind will always bring forth new hope. Seek out the path ahead that suits you, and go for it. Face it, it’s easier to live your own destiny and appreciate it than to complain about what you’re stuck with, and still remain stuck.
Note, however, that letting go can also bring about a second chance. By me, the best measurement of happiness has always been those willing to fight back, to show that not all have to be controlled by either apathy or acceptance. People will enter your life, leave their impressions, and leave. Sometimes, people are hurt by leaving, hurt at the prospect of not being needed. Some are angry and frustrated by what they cannot comprehend. Within minutes, these people move on.
True friends, however, are those who have always been there, and will always be there, but whose presence is not quite as much acknowledged as it is felt. These friends will understand the complicated nature of things, and realize that their presence lies not during the best of times, or the worst of times, or the most drunken of times. They will always be there, watching for anything wrong, with the knowledge that you are there for them as well.
Ths past year, things have been phenomenal for me, and I can honestly say that they’ve offered me some of the best memories I will never forget. I’m living the good life, whether or not it could ever become a normal one.
My future is set, I know those I will be keeping in touch with on Facebook, and I know that this coming September will start off just as the last; a continual path towards a positive and destined future. I accept no compromises, especially not when it comes to what lies along the path ahead of me.
Neither should any of you.