Study: Having birthdays may improve lifespan

OTTAWA - A new study released today reveals that there exists a suprising correlation between having birthdays and living longer.

The ten-year study on 2000 individuals, a collaboration between the University of Toronto and Carleton University, revealed that the number of birthdays one has and how long that person lives has a 0.99 corrolation.

The finding has baffled the researchers who ran the study.

“We expected a slight corrolation, at best, perhaps concluding that the endorphins released by having a birthday party reduces stress and leads to a longer life,” says Professor Paul Bryant, the lead researcher in the study.

“However, even those subjects that did not celebrate with lavish birthday parties experienced the positive effects of having a birthday.”

Professor Beth Dobson of the University of Toronto was even more surprised at how constant the corrolation was. “The positive effects of having a birthday seem to cross all racial, cultural and economic boundaries. It’s truly astounding.”

“Say there are two patients lying on their deathbeds. One is celebrating his birthday, the other is not. The first person would have lived to be one year older. It’s stupefying.”

However, the most surprising finding of all is that all positive benefit is limited to one birthday per year. Regardless of how many birthdays one pretends to have, only one of them seems to have an impact on longevity.

Says Dobson: “It’s like nature’s forcing people to do things in moderation.”