The Irate Bruin Talks about Couples
I'm not bitter — I swear.
I have nothing against the seemingly countless couples that roam the halls of Bell High School. In fact, I think they’re, er, downright cute. Adorable. Yeah.
My issue lies in the oft-debated area of the 'PDA'. These Public Displays of Affection are easily overlooked, for the most part, but often couples descend into an area of awkward that stills the air around them and chokes innocent passers-by.
The way I see it, PDAs come in a progression of levels. Hand holding is a low level sort of thing. If one likes connecting sweaty palms with another human being, who am I to whip out the Purell? (A germ conscious person in a flu breeding society, that's who... But I digress.) The only issue that I can find with holding hands is that it seems to make movement rather difficult for a couple. When connected in such an intricate way, the couple has to move twice as slow as a normal human being. Note: The couple does not usually appreciate it if you break through their hands, even if you claim that you thought they were playing Red Rover.
The next level up on the Awkward-ness Scale would have to be the 'Not Really Hugging, Just Holding'. Honestly, I just don't get it. The romantic head resting on shoulder, when arms are wrapped loosely around waist... The only time I would approach someone like that is if they were on fire and I was trying to smother the flames. Though in reality, I would probably throw them to the ground yelling: "STOP! DROP! AND ROLL!"
After this we come to actual hugging. I absolutely cannot have a conversation with people who are hugging. It throws me off. It's like talking to a two headed dog. Which head are you talking to? Which set of ears are actually listening? Plus, some couples just stay surgically connected for an unreasonable amount of time. They become simply unapproachable. It feels like I'm breaking up such a personal moment. That shouldn't be happening in the halls.
Finally, the piece de resistance *swanky accent*: K-I-S-S-I-N-G. Not to sound like a rehash of elementary school, but: yuck. Don't wanna see it. Don't wanna talk about it. Don't even wanna watch it in the movies. Plus, no offense to the wonderfully beige halls of Bell HS, but it's not really the most romantic place to suck face, is it? I'm sure there's a quaint restaurant somewhere that would be much more appropriate. Reserve a table. Please.
Why can't we go back to the good ol' days when boys had cooties?